Turning a Corner

I've been in a rotten state of mind for several days. I did some much-needed journaling this morning and came to realize that I have a choice:

• Let go of all the anger, resentment, and hurt I feel towards God, or
• Hold onto it and watch my attitude, my life, and my health spiral downwards.

My anger towards God goes back a long way. There have been things that have occurred in my life that I don't understand why God would allow to happen: a father abandons his wife and infant son, a  mother develops cancer and is taken away from her family at a young age, a deep depression lasts for years, innocence is taken away too early, bed wetting causes a boy to live in shame until 7th grade, loneliness becomes the theme of this boy's life, and a relatively young 38 year-old man who has a very young precious daughter and is in decent shape develops a herniated disc. I still don't have all the answers to "Why?", but there are reasons only God knows I suppose.

I'm hopeful that I've turned a corner this morning, and that I will be living my life in an upward direction now. I've spiraled down before in my life, and that's not a place I want to return to. Pain and hurt has a way of causing me harden my heart and to shut it down. That's not me at all, but it could easily be if I let it go on.

I accept all of God's plans for my life. I thank God for all the trials and challenges in my life, and I thank Him for the blessings that help me face them. (You know, the ones I listed a few posts back. I printed those out yesterday, and I'm going to put them in a place where I'll see them regularly.) God doesn't always do everything I'd like Him to, that's for sure, but I can't envision a life without love and to me a life without God is a life without love.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! May the love of God soften all of our hearts today and everyday.

God bless,

Aaron